Have you ever found yourself deeply attached to someone who, despite all the signs, isn't right for you? It's a painful reality many women face - falling for the wrong man. Sophie stared at her silent phone, tears dripping onto the screen where 27 unanswered calls to "Bill" glowed in the dark. Just three months ago, he’d driven 150 kilometres through a storm with her favorite orchids and an "I missed your smile." Now? Ghosted. Again.
Wrong men antics often include love bombing, grand gestures, isolation, etc, that only unravel into emotional turmoil and manipulation as time goes on. Sophie traced the fading bruise on her wrist - the "accident" from last week when he’d shoved her during an argument. The man who wrote poems about her romantic eyes now called her "worthless." The whiplash left her dizzy, heartsick… and worse, addicted.
Sound familiar? Let’s talk more about it.
The big question would be: Why do smart women love the wrong men? You may not blame anybody because the wrong man starts like a Disney fantasy arriving as Prince Charming and lavishing his “prey” with gifts, midnight texts, declaring you "soulmates" within weeks. "No one has ever understood me like you!"
And once you’re hooked, the real targets (Sex. Money. Isolation from friends) show up: "If you loved me, you’d prove it…", he would tell you. And you don’t have a choice than to comply, feeling "indebted" for his earlier "kindness."
Once he has nailed you, you begin to get silent treatment, disaffection and control.
A bystander would ask: Why do you still stay? It’s not as easy because leaving a manipulative relationship is challenging. Emotional bonds, fear of being alone, and diminished self-worth can make the idea of leaving daunting. Manipulators often create a cycle of abuse and affection, making you hope for the return of the "good times."
Even though it’s: "Like red-hot iron dunked in icy water and your whole structure shatters." as Sophie described it perfectly, you must have to break free. Or else you would have to continue to suffer cognitive dissonance, identity erosion, insomnia, panic attacks, etc.
But because you had fallen does not mean you have to stay there. You need to break free by doing the following:
Recognize the manipulative behaviors and tell yourself that this is unhealthy.
Clearly define what behaviors are unacceptable to you and stick to your boundaries.
Share your experiences with trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can provide perspective and guidance.
And if necessary, disengage finally.
Yes, it’s easier said than done but you need to start your healing journey.
They say time heals all wounds. Don't rush into new relationships and also, allow time to truly get to know someone.
Next time, be cautious of excessive flattery, quick commitments, and attempts to isolate you.
Don’t abandon yourself because of the relationship. Keep your hobbies, friendships, and interests alive outside the relationship.
And trust your instincts most of the time.
Finally, loving the wrong man can leave you with deep scars, but it's possible to heal and find happiness again. By recognizing manipulation, seeking support, and prioritizing your well-being, you can break free and build healthier relationships in the future.
Break the Silence: Share your victory or struggle below - no judgment, only sisterhood. Your experience could help someone else on their journey to healing.
